London Place 22: Hampstead Garden Suburb

Here was a funny turn in a road not taken.

Hampstead Garden Suburb is a noteworthy name for a small area of London, isn't? A triple lock. Not only is this HAMPSTEAD but it's a GARDEN and not only is it a GARDEN in HAMPSTEAD but it's a fucking SUBURB, right? You get it? It's nice round here!

Let me say, I was no stranger to the "garden suburb". Ealing's Brentham's has its own Garden Suburb. Arguably, Ealing's Brentham Garden Suburb could have been the most suburbanly pleasant name of all time. Missed a trick there.

I think I've been to Hampstead Garden Suburb twice. I think I went there for a play in the middle of a wood once. Was it 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum?' ... something like that. I noted, on that visit, that Hampstead Garden Suburb was quite a fair bit of travelling from South London.

Yet that did not deter me, in 2005, from applying for a job in a school there. I can't remember the name of the school.

Of all my adult life, that's really the most dreamlike period, most disconnected from reality. On paper, the plan was "finish PGCE, qualify as teacher, get job in North London, move from South to North London, probably buy house in North London, on with life".

But, in truth, none of that was a viable reality. I knew full well I was entirely on the wrong track. My placement in Peckham was going terribly, I couldn't teach, I didn't want to teach. I was meant to be buying a house with a friend, which is a cock-eyed idea anyway, but I was being completely flaky about it, and I'd say I'm not usually flaky.

Because it was what I was supposed to be doing, I applied for a couple of jobs, got a couple of interviews. It was, at the very least, a good excuse not to be in my school for half a day. 

The first one was ok, I actually can't remember anything about it, I don't think it went well or badly. The second one, I think it may have been the next day, was at this very nice primary school in Hampstead Garden Suburb, and I dressed up, took the tube up from Clapham North, did an interview, which went fine, took a lesson as part of the process, and I remember thinking halfway through, "aah, this is how it's meant to be, I'm actually teaching".

I went back to my school in Peckham for the afternoon, went home, I got a phone call, the headteacher of the school I'd interviewed said she was so sorry, I was a whisker away from the job, she'd really loved my interview and my lesson, but in the end, they'd gone for a someone else on the basis that she had a great idea about starting up a conservation club, or something. 

Well, thank god for that conservation club.

It hardly ever crosses my mind that's there's an alternative reality where I get that job, I finish my PGCE, I move to North London, I become a teacher and after a few teething problems, I make a good fist of it. Maybe there's a tiny chance that might have happened. Maybe I'd be the king of Hampstead Garden Suburb by now.