Saturday 26 April 2014

1981: Queen - Greatest Hits I

I listened to this a lot. A lot. From around the time of Freddie Mercury's death, or just before in fact, when I was 13, to at least two years later, if not more, I liked Queen. And not much else. I listened to Queen. And not much else. Well, that's not quite true; I listened to the radio and watched Top of the Pops and liked some other imaginary idea of music which I hadn't heard yet, but, if ever I chose to listen to music, I chose to listen to the two cassettes I purloined from my sister's room, Queen Greatest Hits and, for good measure, Queen Greatest Hits II. Really, that was it. Just Queen, or once in a blue moon, my childhood favourite, Madness.My friend James Kesner tried to get me to listen to Suede, The Manics, The Levellers (who he thought I'd like, I'm glad I resisted that one), but I knew Queen were better than all of them and I'd keep on listening to Queen, thank you very much.

I wasn't the only person listening to them. This album, Queen Greatest Hits, is the bestselling album in UK history, the only album to sell more than 6 million copies in the UK. So there's a good chance you already know it. You may choose to listen to it as a result of my prompting. I won't. I can't bear it.

You may have already read here about my musical awakening, prompted by The Jam's 'Going Underground', when I was 15. The Jam chimed somewhat with Madness, who'd been my favourite pre-Queen, and from there, away I went. The 80s, then new wave, then Beatles and Bowie and  Bruce and Bob and Blur and Britpop and all the rest of it, with my trusty NME by my side. Somewhere within that, Queen got lost, No, they didn't get lost, they got forcibly ejected. My regal period ended with a revolution.

I read a lot of opinionated angry men then, I read to my horror that Queen were the anti-punk, I read to my horror all kinds of reasons why Queen were not where it's at, some of which looking back was pretty repellent character assassionation. Was it just that I was highly susceptible to propaganda for people who can't play their instruments well? Either way, there has been no comeback.

I've even made a conscious effort in recent years to get back in touch with what I once loved, to hear the good in Queen again. But I really can't. I can't bear it.

It's not that I'm not interested or impressed. I'll happily watch a documentary about them, read an article about them, watch footage of their extraordinary powers in concert, in particularly their famous Live Aid set, often seen as one of the greatest (short) gigs ever. Hell, Freddie Mercury went to Art School in Ealing, what's not to love?

Just the music in and of itself, listening to the music, the songs that I listened to over and over and over again for month after month. I look at the track listing now for Queen Greatest Hits I and nearly every single song looks utterly vapid and silly. God, I sound like such a rock snob. You know I like so many songs and bands which are way more vapid and silly than Queen. It's not that. It's just ...

...  I cope better with going back to Greatest Hits II. I sometimes hear real soul in that. Obviously, really. There's real anger and sadness and mortality. There's still plenty that's naff, but I don't crumble in the face of my self-imposed shame.

What's wrong with it? What's wrong with me? The tracklisting of Queen Greatest Hits I is a gallery of some of the most entertaining, recognisable songs in the history of rock music, from Don't Stop Me Now, We are the Champions, Killer Queen, We Will Rock You to the monster of them all, Bohemian Rhapsody. But, really, the only two songs on the album I can deal with are Somebody to Love, which has the bones of a beautiful song in there and just about manages not to put tooooo much meat on those bones, and Flash, because ... well, because it's awesome, obviously. No,  because it's so silly, it's a comedy song, and no one need pretend otherwise.

God, they've got tunes, so many, so many ideas, so much virtuosity, but that's the problem. It's all showing off. Bohemian Rhapsody is the perfect example, where there you could probably make three really good songs out of it, but instead you makes one bloated horror show ... or what most people would say was one masterpiece. Yes, I listened to it about 200 times in 1992, yes, I know that the chances are it's still a masterpiece, I just made myself irreversibly sick of it, I get that.

And yes, some people are born to play stadiums, and yes, exhibitionism and virtuosity are not per se bad things, and yes, Brian May seems lovely and Freddie Mercury had one of the most extraordinary voices and yes John Deacon ... John Deacon, but, forgive me, I can't bear it.

What else is there for me to say? I've got little coherent to add, just that there are various, if you will, Platonic ideas of what rock music is, and Queen are the embodiment of one of them, but it's not mine, and I just can't quite fit them into my balloon any more.

I'm going to do a Queen compilation, and it will be a Queen compilation for D McG aged 15 rather than 35. Bear in mind I've basically only ever listened to the Greatest Hits over and over again, and there may well be a huge pile of downbeat, relaxed, pastoral album tracks I've never listened to which would totally change my mind back. Hmm ... perhaps.

Under Pressure (which has never not been tremendous)
Somebody to Love
It's a Hard Life
Killer Queen
These Are The Days of Our Lives
The Show Must Go On
Innuendo
Scandal
Flash
Friends Will Be Friends
Who Wants to live Forever?
Hammer to Fall

I know, that's a pathetic excuse for a proper Queen compilation and it's also dishonest, because it's not me aged 15, it's me now, only including the ones I liked when I was 15 which I can still just about tolerate now. Sorry, Queen's Greatest Hits. Sorry, fans of it. But, you know, what if i'm right?


2 comments:

  1. I'm glad I did not listen to this album (these albums) that many times when I had the chance. Not that I even own them now, nor would I often be moved to put them on, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't cause me the pain that I can very easily picture from your description. Some of the Pet Shop Boys' very greatest hits, perhaps, I struggle with now - certainly I never actively choose to listen to them.

    Is there a number of plays that becomes too many for even the greatest of songs? Probably anywhere between 5-100.

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  2. If I were a huge Luther Vandross fan, i'd say Never too much Never Too Much.

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