All the UK Number 1s of the .... 1970s - ranked

In the 1970s, I was mainly not alive, but am still fairly well acquainted with the Number 1s of the decade, through the wonders of modern technology. If I'd hoped to escape the spectre of wrong'uns having hits, seeing Two Little Boys as the first Number 1 of this decade didn't help. There are a few others of a similar ilk. None of them are good, so they will be the unmentioned worst.

Apart from that, it's mainly a good bunch, though the shift, around midway the ranking, from "that's a bit of a classic" to "ugh, I hate that" is more rapid and pronounced than in the previous decades I've written about.

The good things about the 1970s are that a) there are fewer Number 1s than in later decades b) there aren't charity records c) there aren't really talents show Number 1s.

The Number 1s in the year 1979 are really outstandingly good - maybe the best year ever for Number 1s (though I've yet to look closely at the 60s).

So, not counting the misdeeds of the worst of men, the worst Number 1 of the 70s was ...

165. J.J. Barrie - No Charge. I'd not heard this before. It is a horrendously anodyne piece of spoken word americana. I kept thinking there'd be a "and then she killed him" punchline at the end to make it worthwhile. Christ knows who bought this.

164. Little Jimmy Osmond - Long Haired Lover from Liverpool. Just an awful thing to have to listen to.

163. Rod Stewart - Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? I don't think it would have mattered what Rod Stewart did once I'd heard this. Haunted by it.

162. Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the Wall (Part II). Heard this so much growing up. Don't actually mind Pink Floyd in general, but hate this.

161. Telly Savalas - If. Further creepy spoken-word Americana without an obvious wink. How did Telly's image survive this?

160. Lieutenant Pigeon - Mouldy Old Dough

159. Typically Tropical - Barbados. Just a leeetle bit racist.

158. Windsor Davies and Don Estelle - Whispering Grass. Weird decade, this.

157. Chuck Berry - My Ding-a-Ling. Thing is, Chuck Berry doing a creepy song like this in the era when he was a creepy guy is just not cool. Johnny B Goode this is not.

156. The Manhattan Transfer  - Chanson D'Amour

155. Middle of the Road  - Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

154. England World Cup Squad - Back Home

153. Ray Stevens - The Streak. God, so much weird spoken word Americana. This one tries to be funny, at least.

152. Kenny Rogers - Lucille. The kind of country music I hate.

151. Brotherhood of Man - Save Your Kisses for Me

150. Showaddywaddy  - Under the Moon of Love

149. Donny Osmond - The Twelfth of Never

148. The Floaters - Float On. Weirdly unpleasant. Definitely not a patch on the Modest Mouse song of the same name.

147. Billy Connolly - D.I.V.O.R.C.E. The comedians.

146. Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West). The comedians.

145. Status Quo  - Down Down

144. Lena Martell - One Day at a Time

143. Royal Scots Dragoon Guards - Amazing Grace

142. Clive Dunn - Grandad

141. The New Seekers - I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)

140. Donny Osmond - Puppy Love

139. Pussycat - Mississippi. Not the Bob Dylan song.

138. Alvin Stardust - Jealous Mind

137. Brotherhood of Man - Angelo

136. Matthews Southern Comfort - Woodstock. There's no version of this song I like, tbh. I find it to be a bullshit song, one of my least favourite Joni Mitchell songs.

135. Slade - Skweeze Me, Pleeze Me. This one's quite low, but in general, Slade will do well here.

134. Rod Stewart - Sailing. Perfectly nice, really, but Rod ruined himself.

133. Norman Greenbaum - Spirit in the Sky

132. David Cassidy - Daydreamer / The Puppy Song

131. Tony Orlando and Dawn - Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree

130. The Jacksons - Show You the Way to Go. Of all the Jackson 5 songs to get to Number 1, this one's pretty mediocre.

129. Mud - Oh Boy

128. Paper Lace  - Billy Don't Be a Hero

127. Charles Aznavour - She

126. Dana - All Kinds of Everything

125. Deniece Williams - Free

124. Chicory Tip  - Son of My Father

123. Mud - Tiger Feet. Son of My Father and Tiger Feet are the most 70s songs that exist.

122. David Cassidy - How Can I Be Sure

121. Alice Cooper - School's Out. A bit like Another Brick in the Wall, I just kind of hate this. It's just always been around, and it was meant to be fun, but was just not that fun ...

120. Dave Edmunds - I Hear You Knocking

119. 10cc - Dreadlock Holiday

118. David Soul - Don't Give Up on Us

117. John Denver - Annie's Song

116. Lee Marvin - Wand'rin' Star

115. Slik - Forever and Ever. I had rarely listened to this before, and really it's pretty similar to Vienna, isn't it ...

114. Christie  - Yellow River

113. Baccara  - Yes Sir, I Can Boogie

112. Elvis Presley - Way Down

111. Mungo Jerry - Baby Jump

110. The Wurzels - Combine Harvester

109. The Tams - Hey Girl Don't Bother Me

108. Demis Roussos - The Roussos Phenomenon (EP). That is such a fabulous name for an EP it should really be higher.

107. Dr. Hook - When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman. Not an actual doctor.

106. Pilot - January. Not an actual pilot.

105. Mud - Lonely This Christmas. Actual mud.

104. Brotherhood of Man - Figaro

103. Slade - Take Me Bak 'Ome

102. Terry Jacks - Seasons in the Sun

101. 10cc - Rubber Bullets

100. The Osmonds - Love Me for a Reason

99. Peters and Lee - Welcome Home

98. Donny Osmond - Young Love

97. T. Rex - Telegram Sam

96. Tony Orlando & Dawn  - Knock Three Times. One comma would make it a much better band name.

95. Rod Stewart - Reason to Believe / Maggie May

94. Tina Charles - I Love to Love (But My Baby Loves to Dance)

93. Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes). A very 60s song to be a 70s Number 1.

92. The Police  - Walking on the Moon

91. Boney M. - Mary's Boy Child – Oh My Lord

90. Wings - Mull of Kintyre / Girls' School

89. The Tymes  - Ms Grace

88. Leo Sayer - When I Need You. Sincerely, L Cohen...

87. Julie Covington - Don't Cry for Me Argentina

86. Bay City Rollers - Give a Little Love

85, Johnny Nash - Tears on My Pillow

84. Gilbert O'Sullivan - Clair. A song that is innocent and sweet, yet would absolutely not pass these days.

83. Suzi Quatro - Devil Gate Drive

82. Hot Chocolate So You Win Again

81. Anita Ward - Ring My Bell

80. The New Seekers - You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me

79. ABBA - Fernando

78. Johnny Mathis - When a Child Is Born (Soleado)

77. Tammy Wynette - Stand by Your Man. The Candi Staton version of this is so outstanding that I've never really listened to this version the same way again. 

76. Rod Stewart - You Wear It Well

75. Wizzard  - Angel Fingers

74. Dave and Ansell Collins - Double Barrel. Don't go thinking it's Dave Collins, though ...

73. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John - Summer Nights

72. ABBA - The Name of the Game

71. Elton John and Kiki Dee - Don't Go Breaking My Heart

70. Art Garfunkel - I Only Have Eyes for You. One of three Garfunkel-sung Number 1s of the decade. This is a great song, but The Flamingos version is definitive.

69. T. Rex - Hot Love

68. The Rubettes - Sugar Baby Love

67. Slade - Mama Weer All Crazee Now. Definitely one of my main takeaways from this is that the Slade Number 1s are great - elementally powerful and catchy. I guess they were just too committed to the fun of it, like Madness, to get the respect they deserved.

66. Elvis Presley - The Wonder of You

65. Bay City Rollers - Bye Bye Baby

64. Mungo Jerry - In the Summertime. Ruination by association with drink-driving aside, a classic tune.

63. Boney M. - Rivers of Babylon / Brown Girl in the Ring

62. Gilbert O'Sullivan - Get Down

61. Brian and Michael - Matchstalk Men & Matchstalk Cats & Dogs

60. ABBA - Waterloo

59. George McCrae - Rock Your Baby

58. David Soul - Silver Lady. I must say, I had not previously appreciated what an absolute banger this is. While it only occupies the respectable but modest position of 58, this is the song I have been listening to and humming for the last few days.

57. Barry White - You're the First, the Last, My Everything

56. ABBA - Knowing Me, Knowing You. By Glenn Ponder and Savoir Faire.

55. Slade - Coz I Luv You. Pure class.

54. The Sweet - Blockbuster!

53. Suzi Quatro - Can the Can

52. 10cc - I'm Not in Love

51. Wizzard - See My Baby Jive. Another banger! I once got served at a bar ahead of Roy Wood, somewhat to his chagrin. Fair enough, for tunes like this, he deserved bar privileges ...

50. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John - You're the One That I Want. The Number 1 that I wanted to be Number 1 on the day I was born.

49. Rod Stewart - I Don't Want to Talk About It / The First Cut Is the Deepest. You might say this is my Rod Stewart acid test, as these are two beautiful songs, and Rod's versions are the definitive versions, but still i can put this no higher than 49. First Cut is the Deepest written by the Cat Stevens, while I've just found out that I Don't Want to Talk About it was actually written by Danny Whitten, Neil Young's guitarist about whom he wrote Needle and the Damage Done.

48. ABBA - Take a Chance on Me

47. Sweet Sensation - Sad Sweet Dreamer. Beauty - great chorus.

46. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody. A little number you might have heard of called ...

45. David Essex - Hold Me Close. Like Richard Gere and Adam Ant at the start of the 1980s, David Essex in the 70s was ... a handsome man.

44. Village People - Y.M.C.A.

43. The Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap. This gets called the first punk/new wave Number 1, doesn't it, but it's really not that at all is it, it's pure Springsteen ...

42. The Police  - Message in a Bottle

41. Gary Numan  - Cars

40. Bee Gees - Tragedy

39. Ken Boothe - Everything I Own

38. The Three Degrees - When Will I See You Again

37. T. Rex - Get It On. Nick Cave made the case for the genius of Marc Bolan on his Desert Island Discs and I get it now more than I ever have, but still not totally.

36. The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Voodoo Child (Slight Return). Famously, a mash-up of songs by Rogue Traders and the Bluetones.

35. Cliff Richard - We Don't Talk Anymore. There are quite a few good Cliff Richard songs, really. Many many terrible ones, but quite a few good ones.

34. The Stylistics - Can't Give You Anything (But My Love). Another absolute beauty. I feel like "sounding like the Stylistics" could really take a group to the highest heights even in this day and age.

33. Donna Summer - I Feel Love

32. The Four Seasons - December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night). It's funny, isn't it, that it's December 1963 and yet ... no mention of the assassination of John F Kennedy!! Like, what? Something suspicious going on there ...

31. ABBA - Mamma Mia

30. Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting. Some have cast doubt upon it, but it is true, you know, absolutely everyone was ... everyone.

29. Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody. It managed to be the biggest Christmas song for a long time. Yes, it's incredibly annoying, but fair play.

28. George Harrison  - My Sweet Lord. Funny that this was the only Beatle-people Number 1 of the whole 1970s. When Harrison died, it was played a lot and got back to Number 1 and I definitely thought ... that's a great-sounding record ... which it is ... equally, here, on my little-read blog, I give my two SHOCK Beatle opinions 1)! George was not that nice. Like really. He had lots of bad opinions and was very petty 2)! Yoko did break up the Beatles! I mean, of course! I wish her all happiness, but, honestly, the people that watched Get Back and were like ... well, that puts to bed the misogynistic racist myth that Yoko Ono had anything to do with the Beatles breaking up ... what the jeeping fuck delusional nonsense were you watching? It's right there! Of course she did ... So there ... heady stuff ...

27. Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights

26. The Real Thing - You to Me Are Everything

25. David Bowie - Space Oddity

24. David Essex - Gonna Make You a Star. Aah, David Jones and David Cook, both born in the suburbs in 1947. I've only played cricket against one of them. I only just twigged that Rock On is directly referenced on Drive by REM.. I had never put that 2 and 2 together before ... anyway, David Essex is a great British public figure, who veers between A-list and D-List, as all the very best do ... no one has ever more embodied the term "twinkle in his eye" ...

23. Diana Ross - I'm Still Waiting. What a run of songs this is!

22. Bee Gees - Night Fever

21. Chicago - If You Leave Me Now

20. Commodores - Three Times a Lady. You could just play this stuff on Oldies radio for ever ...

19. Art Garfunkel - Bright Eyes. It would be remiss of me not to admit that for a large chunk of my childhood, I felt that nothing on earth could be more beautiful than Bright Eyes. Nothing. And it still holds up pretty well. I think it is perhaps still somewhat underplayed just how many people in Britain between 45 and 55 learnt everything they know about death from Watership Down.

18. Don McLean - Vincent. And everything they know about art from this motherfucker. I've seen that goddamn Starry Night. That's a hell of a painting.

17. Slade - Cum On Feel the Noize

16. Simon Park Orchestra - Eye Level. I played this song, all the way through, at about 200 quizzes. If ever I was doing a round called the Follow On round, I'd set this as the background music, and get through the song as I asked the questions, and you could guarantee, every now and then, some misty-eyed 50-year old would come up to me and beam "Van der Valk!"

15. Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel - Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me). A real masterpiece single, this, I think. Again, when I remember, when i was a young teenager, the songs I'd heard which I really wanted to own, but didn't have the means to own yet, this was high on the list.

14. The Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays

13. Tubeway Army - Are 'Friends' Electric?. The single quotes are such a work of genius.

12. Smokey Robinson and the Miracles - The Tears of a Clown. Everything about how Tears of a Clown came to be and came to be a UK Number 1 is so full of the mythology of pop music. But, anyway, good tune!

11. Freda Payne - Band of Gold. As is the case with this, in a way. Sneaky bit of Holland-Dozier-Holland.

10. Nilsson - Without You. Mad, as well, that  Paul McCartney wrote Come & Get It for Badfinger as if they couldn't write their own songs, and they wrote this. McCartney called this "the killer song of all time".

9. The Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star

8. Blondie - Sunday Girl. Sunday Girl has always been my personal favourite Blondie song, but I'm doing the decent thing, and putting another Blondie song above it for this list.

7. Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

6. T. Rex - Metal Guru

5. Ian Dury and the Blockheads - Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick. I was watching a bit of early 80s Ian Dury and the Blockheads live footage last weekend, and it was the time Wilko Johnson was in the band , and, gee whizz, i thought, those are two extremely brilliant men one would not like to cross on a dark night ...

4. Althea & Donna - Uptown Top Ranking. An' ting

3. Blondie - Heart of Glass. So, yes, though Sunday Girl has always been my pet favourite, Heart of Glass is Blondie's masterwork, one of those perfect records where everyone got everything right.

2. Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over Troubled Water. Something so great about how honest S and G have been about their complicated relationship, and how that gives you a different appreciation of their greatest works. Art doing this at the 1981 Central Park concert, Paul ceding the stage entirely, Art absolutely nailing it, giving himself a little pocket-level first pump when he finished, that is an incredibly beautiful thing ...

1. ABBA    Dancing Queen. Even when I had no time for the rest of ABBA, I always knew Dancing Queen was perfect. Just is.

Right, that turned out really enjoyable. I should do the 2010s next, but that's a whole different level of somewhat complex, unpleasant task, so, if i get round to that, it will be in a while, as there's not many Number 1s I truly love from that decade, and a lot I don't really know. So, if anything, it'll be the 1960s next, which is surely the decade with the closest connection between "popular" and "acclaimed" ...