Song 56: American Pie

American Pie - Madonna

Yes, the Madonna version. So here goes.

This is obviously terrible. A weird, annoying video and a version that sucks all the life out of an overplayed but still striking classic song. So there wouldn't be too many debates on its awfulness, would there?

And I think it marks the point at which Madonna, in my head, went from being someone that just existed in a neutral way to one of the great enemies, someone whose every move I decided to abhor.

It was probably a combination of this song and reading some article which contained a quote by Canadian thinker Michael Ignatieff which went

"I don't mind that I see her face on every magazine cover; I certainly don't mind that she is obscene; I don't even mind that she can't sing, can't dance, can't act and is nonetheless the most famous person on the planet. What I can't stand about Madonna is that she thinks she's an artist"

Yes, that's it, I thought. That's it. Brilliant. That's exactly what one shouldn't stand about Madonna. So, fine, I can't stand Madonna. Except, I wonder now, is Ignatieff's comment just overbearing, moderately misogynistic, clottish snobbery? Has he, like I, been far too harsh on Madonna? Actually, is Madonna an artist, just as much as I think Bob Dylan? Surely I've indulged a thousand more aberrations by Dylan than anyone has of Madonna? So he, they say, can't sing, play harmonica, can't act though he's tried to, can't paint though he's exhibited, surely can't direct films though he's tried to, can't write novels though he's tried to.
And does he think he's an artist? Well, no, he says he's a song and dance man. And perhaps therein lies the difference. Yes, that and the fact that I think Bob Dylan can sing, can play harmonica, can act, can write anything he wants, can even paint.

And Madonna CAN'T act. Again, that is fair comment, isn't it? It's unusual to see someone on screen who does not possess the bare capabilites to perform a roled (which makes you think more highly of actors in general) but Madonna has killed everything i've ever seen her in stone dead, perhaps apart from Desperately Seeking Susan, but i haven't seen that since I was a kid, so perhaps my memory is being generous.

And she does take herself seriously. Her "political" stageshows of recent times indicate that she still holds her ability to change the world in high regard. So, sure, that's annoying. It's annoying when Bono does it, it's annoying when pretty much anyone does it.

But, her version of 'American Pie' notwithstanding, is Madonna rubbish? Well, not 'Like a Prayer' obviously. That's fine. I used to allow myself quite liking Like a Prayer by noting one of the golden rules of pop that every single person or band, however generally rubbish, has at least one accidental classic in them.
But then, Hung Up's good too, isn't it? And I suppose Into the Groove. So I'd allow for Madonna having more than one decent pop song by saying that well, with all the money in the world and all the best writers and producers, it's not surprisingly that a turd gets well polished every now and then.

But then I remember that in Madonna's supposedly quiet and fallow mid-90s period, I actually liked quite a few of her songs - the likes of Deeper and Deeper, Take a Bow, Rain, I remember rather liking them.

Hmm, puzzling.

And is Madonna a rubbish singer? Well, she's no Maria Callas and she's no Mariah Carey, but thank goodness. I mean, she's no Joni Mitchell or Debbie Harry either, don't get me wrong. Perhaps it's my love for those two which really set me against Madonna a) the fact that Madonna seemed to define and narrow down what a female star should be post-mid80s, as if all the brilliance of the likes of Mitchell and Aretha Franklin was forgotten, and b) the fact that she seemed to have stolen everything from Debbie Harry, except without the charm, wit, personality and randomness.

But so what? She's not as good as my favourites. Is that reason enough to hate her? Has she been bad for pop music in general? I don't really know. She has kind of defined what it takes to be a megastar these days, but perhaps she deserves respect for staying intact the way she has done.

If I dwell on aberrations like her Bond theme, her acting, that song 'American Life' and this horrendous version of American Pie, then sure, I might go on being anti-Madonna, but there's plenty of good to counterbalance that.

How attached am I to the original American Pie, anyway? Is this really that much worse? Yes, yes it is. While I don't agree with the assessment of the normally unimpeachable Richard Osman from Pointless that this is the best pop song of all, it's certainly a song which deserved better than this.